


Things you'll never know

by baalsdungeon



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26799604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baalsdungeon/pseuds/baalsdungeon
Summary: 14-day prompts: Hakuryuu missing Judar
Relationships: Judal | Judar/Ren Hakuryuu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Things you'll never know

**Author's Note:**

> No conversation, only pain :')

Hakuryuu never thought that day would come. Neither losing Judar, nor leading the way towards his funeral. If anything, it felt unreal. From the fake sympathy he got down to his cousins not being here, despite all of them having a close bond with Judar, especially Kouha, even when the mage didn't hesitate to accompany Hakuryuu's revolution and possibly killed them off by doing so. 

Still they would be here today, if they could, no matter what Judar had done, he still was...Hakuryuu didn't know. 

Thinking about it made him feel nauseous, and suddenly it felt not like a surreal dream anymore, but the harsh reality hitting like a wave.

He couldn't do it. Every step he took towards that direction made his feet feel heavier, the weight of his crown and robes pulling him down. Every eye on him, always, and nobody he could tell about how he felt so numb while kougyoku cried in sadness and anger over losing Judar. Because deep down, Hakuryuu felt like Aladdin blamed him for taking Alibaba. And even if he didn't, even if someone thought them both losing someone close to them was like a cruel form of justice and equality, Hakuryuu couldn't help but refuse to mourn in front of the very people he caused the same pain too. 

Hakuryuu stood still, fixing his focus on nothing, in particular, remembering Hakuei's words from inside Belial's dungeon, from his own inner self. It was his duty to go, to hold his head up high in situations like this.

_"Your position requires it."_

She was right, he was. He needed to go because he was the one causing Judar to die, he was his magi, he had failed as a king. 

After the speeches where over, Kougyoku was still crying, and many people watched the young emperor during the ceremony, but he didn't show emotions. He didn't feel anything, not at all. Just a tiredness he never thought was possible since that day. 

People spoke their adolescents, some remained for a while to bid their farewell, but in the end, only Hakuryuu was left. 

Kougyoku hesitated, a sad look on her face, as if she knew what it was like. Maybe she did, in some way. But losing the one person you never thought would leave you was a pain nobody really could describe.

And it was so silent in that room, only the open, empty casket placed in the front. Hakuryuu reached to touch the soft fabric inside, imagining Judar peacefully lying there.

It was real now, Judar was truly gone. 

Finally, finally, Hakuryuu felt a tear on his face, and soon after he was crying. It broke the heavy silence coating the thick air around the casket, and he felt relieved.

He wasn't numb anymore, but thousands of emotions he couldn't name or describe flooded his body and Hakuryuu kneeled down if that would take some of it away. 

He hated everything he didn't do and regretted everything he had done.

But most of all, he hated how he didn't know how Judar felt until the end because he didn't ask. He didn't know what the magi thought about himself, what kind of things he liked, and he would never know if he died in peace over what they had achieved together or if he also had a mind full of regrets. 

Judar lived always doing what he wanted, yet he couldn't truly be free. He always spoke his mind, but never of the things that bothered him. And now he was simply gone.

Hakuryuu would never know. 

He tried to ease his mind with the thought of judar being able to break free from al thamen with his help, and somehow, he could stop the ache in his mind.

There was silence again, but an easier one. Hakuryuu felt calm, yet tired, but he could finally let out his feelings. It was like judar was there like he always was when they were kids and he would be crying, patting him on the head as a strange way of comfort.

Hakuryuu looked up from the ground, standing up again. Now he understood. This place, it wasn't just for the people or for his duty, it was a way for him to feel judars presence, a way to sort his feelings when he needed to, but it also was what Judar deserved.

He had been a great mage, and in hakuryuus mind, the best one of them.  
He wanted to tell judar directly, but since he couldn't anymore, he would do it here. Maybe the rukh would listen and tell him, even when that would be impossible since judar was fallen. 

They wouldn't meet again, not in the afterlife, and Hakuryuu couldn't help but hate his white rukh at this moment. Because there wasn't anything he wanted more than telling Judar about how he felt validated and strong when they were together, not only in battle but truly _understood_.

Hakuryuu clenched his hand, standing there for a long time before kougyoku came in again to ask about his whereabouts. Her expression was unreadable, but Hakuryuu knew she could see he had cried, yet she didn't mention it. Maybe she knew how close he and judar were, and maybe he would tell her eventually.

If anything, he could become the king judar wanted him to be, judar wouldn't want him to break down, he had seen something in him nobody else did, and hakuryuu would make sure judar would be remembered as the person he was, the person hakuryuu loved.


End file.
